You’ve seen it happen on movies and television shows, the “best man speech.” Some are just a boring guy in a suit raising a glass and making comments about how to groom is going to lose his freedom, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes it involves fireworks which is cool but don’t ask how that works because we’re pretty sure the venue ends up catching on fire. At least it does in the movies and that is not why you are reading this article. You’re here because you want to give a best man speech that won’t put people to sleep and/or blackball you from the rest of your friend’s weddings forever. You also don’t want to give a best man speech that will burn a wedding to the ground, literally. You want something right in the middle. Something so award-winning and groundbreaking that when you’re sitting at the groom’s bedside sixty years from now when they’re on their deathbed, they’re going to bring up how awesome the speech was before they flatline. Of course, in order to accomplish this Leonardo DiCaprio-level speech, you need to follow 5 simple rules first for giving the best best man speech.
5. Alcohol Helps
You might see guides on the internet telling you to stay sober, but where’s the fun in that? Of course, you don’t want to be full-blown inebriated to the point where you spill some embarrassing stories about the groom that even the bride didn’t know. No, you want to have just enough alcohol in your system to get over the fact that you’re speaking in front of a room full of people. Just enough so that when you are up in front of the groom, the bride, and all the guests you have enough of a filter to keep some of the raunchier stories locked in a vault forever while relaxed enough to tell a good story. The amount of alcohol varies person to person the key being that you drink responsibly and keep it to a minimum.
4. Start By Thanking People Who Should Be Thanked
When you have a little booze inside of you and it’s time for you to step into the spotlight, that’s when you thank everyone. That means, everyone. You want to thank everyone who made the day possible. The bride and groom wouldn’t even be born without their parents, so start with them. Thank them for the series of bad decisions that led up to the conception of these two beautiful people. Of course, you also want to thank the bartender at the back who served you the alcoholic beverage that made it possible for you to even stand there and give the speech. I mean you are going for funny right?
3. Talk About The Couple’s Relationship
You want to talk about how much the groom the groom has changed since he met the bride. Talk about how he didn’t care if he lived in an apartment for the rest of his life and now he has a whole house. Talk about how much the bride improved him as a man. Tell everyone how the groom now actually takes showers more than once a week. You should also, jokingly of course, talk about how he never has time for anything anymore and how he can’t be as reckless as he used to be. No more naked cliff diving. Tell them how a man who used to laugh in the face of danger now works to avoid all risk, and it’s all the bride’s fault.
2. Go Into Your Personal Relationship With The Groom
Let’s be real, you wouldn’t be there without the groom, so you need to talk about why you’re even there in the first place. Were you his childhood friend? Were you his college roommate? Were you someone he inadvertently punched during a football game and you stared into each other's eyes and knew instantly a bromance had begun? This is your time to relive that origin story of your friendship.
1. Keep It Short
You’re looking at this final tip as if everything you were told in this guide won’t take you an hour to do. You have to try to condense everything you can into the Cliffnotes version of what you expect to say. Don’t talk so fast that you start stumbling over your words, but remember that the wedding isn’t about you. Keep it short, keep it humble, keep it informational, but keep it entertaining. The groom will remember it forever, even if he gets married again.